My head is not right (Old Blog)

All this will become clear

I haven't actually died, but I continue to get weirder and weirder.  My inner life is a very interesting place to be right now.

Quick roundup of news before we get down to business:

Work is little better, but progress is being made, slowly but surely, and it looks like the whole place is going down the toilet anyway, so my concerns of having a bright career future at such a fine organisation are dwindling.  My new manager is a cowbag.  My old manager is properly wonderful.  My emails are evil.

A friend who goes by the name of Joanna came to visit.  Good chats, potable beers and general positivity all round.

Christmas looms.  I mostly have all the presents.  It should be a good one.

Now, down to business.  This is a long one, and it ends up in a very troubling place.  It was quite hard to write all this, but it's even harder trying to live with it.  Bear with me if you can, but this post carries a severe Weirdness Warning.  Credit should go to my therapist, who is really fucking good, but the results of his inquiries are pretty much as follows:

My head is not right...

Normal service (Old Blog)

It looks like I've disappeared.  Work is back in full swing, and there are issues going on.  The labels for this post should allow you to triangulate (septangulate?) what's going on. I'll post more about it when I have the time, but for the moment I need to focus my attentions away from self-absorption and cross-addiction and onto things that actually matter.

Normal service might resume.

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My relationship with captions (Old Blog)

After a couple of rather important, but relatively submission-free posts over the last week or so, a few words on the subject of captions, which seem to be very popular in certain dark corners of the internet.  Such as this one.

There's a whole side of captions that I don't explore in this post, the theoretical bit, but that will probably be better dealt with if I ever come to post about porn in general.  In the meantime, here's a long-winded ramble about my relationship with captioned images on the internet.  Let's go!

Work avoidance begins in earnest (Old Blog)

Yes, I have chosen the shittest picture I can find.
It's a supposed to be a desktop background, but who the hell
runs on 1024x768 any more?  Plus, I found it on Angelfire.
Remember Angelfire?

A quick post to demonstrate how easy it is to fall prey to my addiction.  UPDATE:  I've discovered something about what my addictive behaviours are doing.  Read on for more information.

I had a lovely weekend.  It started with babysitting for my neice and nephew, two adorable 5-month-old twins.  I love babies, and I love these babies.

Then followed 3 days of DIY around the house, pulling up carpets, buying rugs and painting dining room furniture.  Hard work, but good times with my family.

No fantasy stuff for a good 4 days.  Built up some momentum with real life, in the hope that some of it would carry over into work this morning.

I've managed about an hour's work before starting to drift off into work-avoidance.  I realise that this blog counts as work-avoidance, but I feel as if I'm on the edge of a precipice.  Perhaps if I blog about it, that would be sort of like peering over the edge, then I'll be able to get on with my day.  Let's find out!

Inferiority complex (Old Blog)

I think it's fairly easy to spot my inferiority complex.  It's all over this blog and all over my psychology.  It's worth bringing up at this point because I've been dancing round a crucial factor in my fantasy creations, and exploring this factor could be a very useful tool in keeping my fantasies from interfering with my reality.

My inferiority complex probably comes from a range of different places, and serves mostly to frustrate me and those around me.  It's a big thing in my life, and it's part and parcel of my addictive behaviours and the cycles and spirals that I get myself into.  Let's have a look, shall we?

I think it might be working (Old Blog)

I feel so cheap

I think this blog might actually be working.

It still takes up my time, and I count it as one of my projects that distracts me from my work and my family life, but I think I may be having some success at keeping a lid on things.

I've had two flare-ups over the past week, here and here, and while the second one did involve a textbook Flickr rabbit-hole, my temporary obsession pretty much ended with my funky little ligature that I've started to use to sign off.  I like ligatures.

Having a place to vent, and I do think that vent is the right word for what I'm doing, is proving useful.  Also, I've found a couple of blogs by people who are in much the same position, that of trying to find a useful and practical way of incorporating their submission, both sexual and non-sexual, into their daily lives.  I'll be linking to a few useful posts as soon as the person gets back to me.  It's always polite to ask, and as you will hopefully see, asking nicely is one of the ways that submission can be expressed.  Stay tuned.

But yes, this morning I've woken up well-rested, well-vented and reasonably able to get on and do some actual work, which is what I'm supposed to actually do.  I'll post more about the thinking behind it at a later stage, when I have more time.  Check it out, I just put off a project until I have more time.  That hardly ever happens.

Time to celebrate with a cup of tea...

Damn...

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The Changing of the Seasons (Old Blog)

This is what my life will become
in about a month's time

It's that time of year again, the nights are drawing in, and the seasonal aisles in supermarkets are filled with Back 2 School festivities.

Yes, September is almost here, which means two things.  It's going to be Sissy Season, and shortly after that we'll have a glorious few months of boots.

Before I get onto the subject of sissies, and expound upon one of the most time-consuming and in-depth fantasy projects in my arsenal, let's take a moment to appreciate the wonders of knee-high boots in the autumn.  Colleagues wear them at work, and so do many of the young people with whom I'm privileged to work.  It's a wonder I get anything done at all between Summer and Spring.

The word 'trueffelschwein' springs to mind...
Also, apparently I can hack around with the HTML and get a set of three pictures with a single caption
My blog-fu is best

Inevitable cross-addiction (Old Blog)

Argh.  This blog has only been up for two days and it's already starting to eat into my free time and my sleep.  Last night I was up past midnight tweaking the page layout and writing the page about my Cinderella thing, and here I am at work on the sly the following morning processing the shame.  Still, this is a good example of how my addiction works, so let's take a look.