I am addicted to sexual fantasies of submission to dominant women.
I have no problem separating fantasy from reality, and I am well aware that the situations that I dream up inside my head would be anywhere between disappointment and hell-on-earth if they were ever to be enacted for real. The wonderful thing about a sexual fantasy is that you remain in control of it the whole time, even when the fantasy itself involves giving control to a higher authority, or having it taken by force. In fact, several of my favourite scenarios have their origins in real-world horrors, and news stories involving real human suffering can often trigger the resurgence of an old fantasy. I am not proud of this fact, and this is partly the reason for writing this blog.
I have no problem separating fantasy from reality, and I am well aware that the situations that I dream up inside my head would be anywhere between disappointment and hell-on-earth if they were ever to be enacted for real. The wonderful thing about a sexual fantasy is that you remain in control of it the whole time, even when the fantasy itself involves giving control to a higher authority, or having it taken by force. In fact, several of my favourite scenarios have their origins in real-world horrors, and news stories involving real human suffering can often trigger the resurgence of an old fantasy. I am not proud of this fact, and this is partly the reason for writing this blog.
I am not in control. This is an addiction. When I get an idea in my head it becomes very difficult to focus on anything else. My work life, my family life and my sleep is sacrificed while I explore and develop the new idea. It takes over, and although I can see myself falling into cycles of addictive behaviours, although I know that what I'm doing is damaging for me, my personal relationships and my career, I find it extremely difficult to stop.
I also have a range of triggers which almost always result in withdrawal from reality into my fantasy world. I have long had a predilection for procrastination and an aversion to large workloads and deadlines, ever since school. The subject of my father's alcoholism will no doubt be a recurring theme as this blog develops. It's also a matter of opportunity, whereby if I'm left alone for a stretch of time with a computer, which often happens at work, my behaviours begin to emerge.
I feel no shame for my submissive sexuality. It's my belief that I was born this way, and I am very open-minded about what people get off on and who they get off with. Shame and humiliation often feature in my fantasies, as I find these feelings, and the characters and actions which give rise them, incredibly stimulating and arousing.
What does cause me shame is the damage that I can see being done to myself and those around me when I am in my addiction. I feel I would be much happier and more fulfilled if I were able to keep a lid on my fantasy world. I will never not be submissive, and I will never not fantasise about dominant women. What I wish to be able to do is to exert my own volition as to when, where and whether I indulge myself, which is the exact opposite of my situation for the past 20 years. I am not in control. I hope that in writing this blog I will be able to examine my fantasies, my triggers and my behaviours, know them and understand, and in doing so, beat them.
Wish me luck,
QP
I also have a range of triggers which almost always result in withdrawal from reality into my fantasy world. I have long had a predilection for procrastination and an aversion to large workloads and deadlines, ever since school. The subject of my father's alcoholism will no doubt be a recurring theme as this blog develops. It's also a matter of opportunity, whereby if I'm left alone for a stretch of time with a computer, which often happens at work, my behaviours begin to emerge.
I feel no shame for my submissive sexuality. It's my belief that I was born this way, and I am very open-minded about what people get off on and who they get off with. Shame and humiliation often feature in my fantasies, as I find these feelings, and the characters and actions which give rise them, incredibly stimulating and arousing.
What does cause me shame is the damage that I can see being done to myself and those around me when I am in my addiction. I feel I would be much happier and more fulfilled if I were able to keep a lid on my fantasy world. I will never not be submissive, and I will never not fantasise about dominant women. What I wish to be able to do is to exert my own volition as to when, where and whether I indulge myself, which is the exact opposite of my situation for the past 20 years. I am not in control. I hope that in writing this blog I will be able to examine my fantasies, my triggers and my behaviours, know them and understand, and in doing so, beat them.
Wish me luck,
QP
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